*About Me*

Well, it's 4 a.m. I cant sleep. That's all I have been doing this week due to the stupid meds. I hate it when you have so much time too sit around, unfortunately im a deep thinker, I mean at times its good but again, it can be maddening. I have been thinking of my life, how I regret so much. Don't get me wrong i'm a good person and like to think I have a good head on my shoulders, but it never feels good enough.

I think it's a mental thing for me, anything to deal with me I just refuse to do it right, like I don't deserve to make people proud of me. I have had a self hatred for many years, I have felt im a good person but I don't deserve things. I get called lazy and underachiever at times, I guess it may be true. I am just not motivated to help myself, it is almost as if I could care less about myself. Maybe I am just crazy?

I want to do so much for others, I don't understand why I can't get my act together and accomplish all I want to do.

I've always been a weird one.